September Newsletter

Issue 6, September 2014

Dear reader,

Welcome to the September issue of our newsletter focusing on Healthy Conversation, Communication and Agreements. Conversation and communication are essential ingredients in community work. This month we have a number of articles looking at various aspects of conversation, communication and forming agreements - from Goethean Conversation, to the 5 Practices from Don Miguel Ruiz, to the non-violent communication work of Marshall Rosenberg, to a model for giving healthy feedback, to the work of the apology project on how to make honest and healthy apologies. These tools should be in everyone's social toolbox. There are also a collection of other related resources at the bottom.

The pictures we have chosen are of road signs because our work on conversation and communication agreements is a path on which we could use a few cautionary and helpful signposts. We hope you enjoy these articles and the related resources.

The community is still growing and we appreciate your participation. Please contact us if you have any questions or ideas that you would like to share or explore.

Michael Soule

LeadTogether

Healthy Conversation, Communication and Agreements

We just finished our second week of school. It is a mystery that even if everything is the same as the year before, the new year unfolds differently, usually in unexpected ways. It is an equal mystery that when one new person enters the organization or school, the whole school is changed. We all know this if we have children. …

The Art of Goethean Conversation

Conversing, as Goethe conceived it, is the art of arts. The very place in his works where the subject finds mention lets us glimpse its singular rank in his esteem. This is in a key scene of his fairy tale, The Green Snake and the Beautiful Lily. There, the four kings enthroned in the subterranean mystery temple are roused

Personal Readiness for Collaboration

How does one prepare themselves to be ready to practice healthy communication? Don Miguel Ruiz offers a list of 5 essential practices that can help anyone build a strong foundation for their work in groups.
1. Be impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to
speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t take anything personally.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t make assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and….

The Art of the Apology

Many of our social challenges could easily be solved if only we knew how to apologize! In order to really appreciate or understand the crucial role perfect apologies can play in our daily lives it helps to understand the differences between the mistakes we make and the apologies we deliver as a result—some actions we regret, while others we are truly sorry for.
We'll begin here by describing important distinctions between mistakes and actions that elicit feelings of regret and those that expose stronger feelings of remorse. Perfect apologies should be tailored to address one or the other type of mistake, in most cases.
Regret is a rational, intelligent and, on occasion, emotional reaction to some unexpected, unintended and often costly consequence of some event or action.
Apologies that expose feelings of regret are often designed to address the consequences of actions people have taken but wish they hadn't, or actions they have not yet taken but wish they had. We usually regret the consequences of relatively minor mistakes or errors and, given the option of revisiting the decision, would probably decide to do something else.

Feedback that Works

Knowing how to create and deliver effective feedback is a key leadership skill. Effective feedback motivates the receiver to begin, continue or stop behaviors that affect performance. In addition to accomplishing its direct purpose, an effective feedback message is a self-development tool for the receiver, and it often has benefits for other members of the team.
Not knowing how to give feedback can easily result in messages that are hurtful, confusing, and counter-productive.

Healthy Conversation, Communication and Agreements: More Resources

Communication by Connie Starzynski from the Art of Administration was written as a guide to administrators and Waldorf school leaders to shed light on the dynamics of communication of all kinds in a Waldorf school. Speaking, Listening and Understanding by Heinz Zimmerman is a book that goes deeply into the art of conversation in groups and how, by bringing new …